Recently, Ryan Niddel I were having a candid conversation on "The Pastor and The Panderer," a podcast we are launching early next month.

The conversation was giving yourself permission, and as we meandered through a very intentional yet spontaneous dialogue, these words were uttered:

"Some days, I just want to burn it all to the ground."

We were in the midst of talking about passion and call in life, and as we do, we got brutally honest.

Most days, we can't turn it off. People like us, so relentlessly connected to this big vision of impact, can't turn off the machine in our head that dreams and plans and executes.

Conversations always steer to business, especially at home.

Wives become frustrated as the glazed look falls over our eyes, knowing we are half-in on whatever it is that is being communicated.

Insecurities can grow as work days become longer, conversations become shorter, and attention becomes difficult to command.

She wonders, by the way our eyes are on our phones and our heads are in the clouds consistently... is there someone else?

And there is... her name is EGO.

It's not intentional, right? We don't WANT to sacrifice our family on the altar of our self-perceived "success." Yet, this is where so many of us find ourselves.

So we hide it. We deny it.

"No, I was listening, just tell me again."

"I'm just checking the time, not my social media or email. I know it's family time."

You do all the "right" things: you're at all the games, the lunches, the dates, the dinner table...

But in the back of your mind, you're still thinking about

(You can fill in the blank with what is appropriate)

And then comes the thought again:

"Some days, I just want to burn it all to the ground."

It's half selfish, half frustration.

You want to do your own thing while simultaneously knowing your family deserves ALL of you.

But, instead of hiding it... denying it...

You give yourself permission to own it.

"Yes, sometimes I can't shut it off."

"Yes, sometimes I'm narcissistic."

"Yes, I know that sometimes I am sabotaging myself."

"Yes, sometimes I am incredibly selfish."

And in being honest, we are able to create boundaries and parameters and methods to show up more authentically as the version of us we present to the public.

We give ourselves permission to stop fighting the dissonance we're creating and just own the TRUTH so we can celebrate where that passion is incredibly EFFECTIVE and correct the ways in which it is INEFFECTIVE.

I know this, friend: Success is your life is on the other side of everything you're afraid to confront.

Here to help.


Cody Jefferson